Those Words from A Dad That Helped Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."